Im dyin

So the doctors a crap head. Ive been there 2 times, and they call and tell me somethings wrong, then tell me nothing is, then make me go back, and now i dont know whats wrong. Im soooo scared. I dont know what to do... everyones sayin to stop worrying, but i know what ive done, and i do have a reason to be scared.

And i got in a fight with Mike i think, tho im not sure. I mean, i dunno, all i know is that i cried for like an hour last night coz of it. Hes the last person in the world i wanna fight with. Lately ive turned to him for everything, i was crying, and he just said it would be ok. I kinda feel as tho im wasting my time tho, i mean i care for him so much, and i dont doubt he cares for me, coz who else would put up with my shit, but i feel that maybe i care more, or i want more to come of this than he does. And he says that hes just not ready, and im not gonna push him, but i wish i knew if when he says he loves me, he means it as a friend, or more. I feel horrible that anyone could treat him bad, hes really the best guy. But only time will tell what we will be, or not be.

I guess thats all thats new... i mean, i dont have much of a life.... god im 19 and have no life, im a loser lol